Isabelle’s Life On The Inside

Round Two Psych Stay

I was admitted to psych unit on June 13. I got into the unit at 2:30 in the morning I did intake and went to sleep in the quiet room. I had a bad sprained ankle so they wanted to keep me close to the nurse’s station the first night. I was in a wheelchair. I was a horrible driver. First two days I had to have pain meds and heat packs. I was supposed to not get up without help but did it anyways. No one was ever looking. I spent 5 days in that chair. Running into everying I mean that. Tables,chairs,walls,doors,sitting areas I never missed. My butt was so sore so I sat on a pillow. Room mates suck mine was bitter. Needless to say I stayed out of the way. Since my roomie wasn’t very nice. I stayed out of the room most of the day. I wanted no issues I want a smooth stay. Food well it hospital food how you think it tastes I say gross. Fellow patients were nice I made a few friends. I did not get along with my doctor or my social worker. They were forcing me into a discharge plan that I did not a approve of. They were going to send me to a nursing home. I fought that one hard. On my six day I kicked my chair and was walking. Good to but slow trying not to re injure. Beds totally sucked to hard. So I was discharged to a nursing home on June 21. Emts came to transfer me. My social worker said it was temp. So I went qiuet. I already knew what I was going to do. I spent a whole 30 mins there. What did I do i discharged myself soon as I got there. I’m now at home witch is where I wanted to be. I was forced into this nursing home. Simply wasn’t going to stay there. It wasn’t going to work. I was bunted out my bf news has been brothering. I was blowing off stream. So you see social worker I used my rights to refuse and went home. This is the short story.
This is not the same hospital I go to and spend my psych stays not last months hospital
Explained
I’ll explain my hospitalizion nightmare. First off cops weren’t opening there ears and listening. They thought I was suicidal and homicidal. Then paramedics came off to the hospital. Yeah that were things went south. I was calm did as they asked and talked in a normally. I did the blood tests. Now here’s were things get iffy. So the mental health talked to her. They said they talked me. She signed me into the hospital. Now they lied no social worker or mental health worker talked to me. Only person I talked to was the er doctor. I was totally shocked at this point. Hospital was going by what was told to them. Never got my side of the story. So off to psych ward that I never needed to go to. Once on the unit wasn’t any better. My social worker was a bitch didn’t want to hear a word I said. She never gave me a chance to explian her mind was made up already. I wanted to be transfered to another hospital they said they would try. They didn’t try hard enough. I was stuck there no way out. Doctor was awful once again I tryed to explain and once again didn’t want to hear it. I had no role in my care. Only problem I had was with the doc and the social worker. Rest of the staff was really nice. Had no problem with the rest of the staff. I liked them alot. I liked my nurses. But I disliked my doc and my social worker. Didn’t care for how they were treating me I was guilty that treatment. For 6 days I kept trying to explain my side of the story. All trys were ionged needless to say I was growing really annyoed with these pepole. I was getting pissed I was trying to tell the truth. Mom wasn’t even at home when this all started. Police told her i was suicidal and homicidal. That the info givin to the hospital so Ann social worker right of the bat I’m guilty. I kept telling her mom wasn’t home. Didn’t believe me nor did the doc. They kept thinking I was violent on that night. So was not the case I was as cool as person can be. No yelling and no acting out of control. Needless to say I never stopped trying to tell my team my side. So what they do my discharge plan nursing home. To make thing worst my mom believed the cops to. I was out numbered. So i sat down and write her a letter. Since my mouth wasn’t believed. But my words were. I was discharged to a nursing home. That I never needed to go in the first place. I knew the the truth just needed someone to believe me and not the report. My mind was made up I wasn’t staying there. Tryed to run from the place. That didn’t work so well so the social worker from the nursing home talked to me. She asked me to tell my side of the story so as I told my side she read the report. I said I wanted to go home. After I was done telling my side she believed me and not the report. She saw no reason why I couldn’t go home. I was acting upset not cool and yeah I did it I said that and mean it. My mom came to pick me up mom and I had a talk and I agreed to her rules. I spent all of 30 mins in the nursing home. I walked out and went home with mom. This whole stay was a nightmare. Never again will I stay there again not that hospital. I will make sure I get transfered to the hospital I want to be at. This will never happen to me again make sure it won’t. One more word nightmare

Dad

This is going to be hard to say. I’ve been holding a deep secret
that’s effects my life. Life got alot more complicated. I’m sacred
that if I tell you that you’re going to kick me out of your life. I
love you and I need to tell the truth. To say why I’m so angry all the
time and depressed. This will hard to hear. Yeah your going to be mad
but I’ll still be your daughter. See I’m not normal I don’t have a
normal life. Daddy please understand what I’m about to say okay. Don’t
be mad at me and don’t hate me. Still love me and love me for me. Yes
I know I’m stalling trying to find the words. Daddy I’m pretty sure
I’m a lesbian. It became totally clear in 2006. I been hiding this
secret for years. I needed to get it out. Mom knows and still loves
me. I had a crush and love on one girl for years. I can’t say who it
is you would go though the ceiling. I know your gonna say this isn’t
normal but what’s normal anyways. Love comes in many forms.”masking a
troubled soul” only god turly knows what went worng with me. I wasn’t
born a lesbian it just happened that why. You don’t need to pretect
me.” They can say whatever, I’ma do whatever” I have a thick skin. I
don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I’m who i am. We feel the same
way a straight person feels just have that feeling about girls. Dad i
know your gonna try to change me but you can’t. Zach was my cover I
tryed so hard to be straight but feelings never went away they growe.
I love him like my best friend. I fell out of this relationship awhile
ago. He hadn’t been there like I needed. Love was never turly there
covering up my life. Covering up that I dream about girls and my eyes
wander on girls in the store. Please keep it under warps at state I’m
ready for it come out that I’m lesbian. I’ll get judge by people. I’m
a truth teller and I’m telling you because your my father. Just
because daddy’s girl didn’t come out the way you dreamed doesn’t mean
im not your daughter. I will always be your daughter no matter what. I
want is for you to appect me. If “Any motherfucker wanna disrespect”
Im not gonna lose any sleep. As far as the bitch tabatha this what she
will hear Oh! I know you don’t want me to split yo dome!,Girl you
makin me really mad…, Oh! I know you don’t want me to split yo
dome!, I’m about to bruise ya face and it’s sad. Dad I can handle her
she thinks she wants to be me but she doesn’t know I’m lesbian and
she’s not. Im so sorry dad please love me. I was making everyone else
happy and making myself misrable. I need to make myself happy. It’s
not easy to admit that I’m lesbian. I mess everything up in my life by
hiding. So is wanting a girlfriend so bad no everyone wants to feel
true love. Jason did me in if I wasn’t with him I wouldn’t be lesbian.
I would be straight but I’m not. I’m lesbian and that’s how it is
daddy. Daddy love me for me. I love you dad.

May be a phase dad or it may or it may not be but the feelings are so strong

*on a side note the police briused me, grabbed on way to hard*

 So this past wed I had a manic ep. My mom called 911 so police 
showed up and they called for the paramedics. So it was desided that I 
needed to be taked to the hospital. So I was taken by paramedics to 
the hospital. I was being taken for mental. The visit goes as usnal. 
The blood draw and the urine simple. So the doctor comes in and asked 
for a urine simple and drawed blood. I was getting my mind ready for 
social worker that never happened. Instead the doctor comes in and 
tells my blood level is dangerously low a 6.9 okay mom’s feaking out 
and I’m in disbelieve. It was now a medical emergency. So i was 
admitted to the medical ward. When I got up there I was given two 
pints of blood with saline. The blood was cold at first. I was pale I 
looked like death. I was told I had bad anemia I will live with for 
the rest of my life. Okay so they thought I was bleeding intenally at 
first. One my first day I was given a ct scan of my stomach and 
pevics. So that was test one. The next day I was give ultasound. By 
this time I had three diffent blood draws five in total. So there was 
one more test a upper and lower gi. The prep is so gross they make you 
drink a 4 litters of a med that will clear you out. I had a rough 
night after I drink that. But the gi showed no intenal bleeding. So 
that was good. I was one day a way from discharge. The day be before 
was hard. I had to have a potassium drip it burned much. Four hours of 
burning pain but I handled it. I wanted to go home do I did 
everything. Durning my 2nd day I ate three meals and kept them down. 
in fact I kept everything down. My red bloods cells have holes in them 
I I’m not getting enough oxygen to my organs. I was discharged April 
3nd at 11:00 am. This anemia is a body crushing disease. I left the 
hospital was a blood level of 9 stil low. I’m still can’t believe it. 
I there thought this could happen to me. My ed ruin my body. I now 
will stuffer from anemia for as long as I live. My whole life is 
changing. I feeling very lost and scared. If there is one thing I 
could say to anyone stuffering from ed get help now. This is a painful 
rock bottom. Fight for your life. I know saying that is easier then 
done but when you need blood it’s bad you have done damage. I really 
hope I can be of some sort of help.